Monday, April 6, 2015

Feeling all the feels lately

It's been a really long time since I've written...I wish I had some really exciting news or something but instead I'm here to just vent.

Basically...I've been missing Rayce a lot lately. If you haven't been to my blog before...Rayce is my ex that I left in Iowa when I moved here to NC. I was really unhappy in Iowa and he didn't want to come with me and because of that we kind of started being like roommates toward the end of my time in Iowa. We have a really long history but I'm not going to get into that.

A couple weeks ago I had this really vivid dream that I was terminally ill and dying soon and it was just me and him in a car talking about it. I was crying and trying to make sure he would be ok and telling him that I didn't want to go. I woke up in the middle of the night bawling my eyes out...that's never happened to me before. It was so real and so emotional. Since that dream I've thought about him everyday...throughout the days. Just really missing him and our relationship and how he made me feel. People have told me that I just miss having someone...not him in particular. I understand how that can happen but I definitely miss Rayce. I miss the stupid way we would talk to each other. How he would scratch my head every night while I fell asleep. Going on dates to Texas Roadhouse because we loved the buns so much. How he would buy me my favorite little things every now and then just because he knew I loved them. When he would make pancakes on Saturday mornings and have me be his "butter girl" and butter the pancakes. His hugs...he gave the best hugs....I would instantly feel better when he'd hug me. I can't really explain it so that anyone else would understand it. He's just my person.

Also, about the time I had the dream I found out that he's been seeing someone. He didn't tell me...she posts pictures of them on Facebook. The first time I saw the picture of the two of them with him as her #mancrushmonday I felt like I'd been punched in the gut. And that feeling happens every time I see a new picture of them. Defriending him isn't an option. Especially in real life. I would rather feel hurt than to not have him in my life at all. We still talk. I hope we never stop. We were friends long before we dated and I would be crushed to not have him in my life. He said that he made sure she knew about me...I wonder what he told her.
I follow @beautaplin on Instagram...he posts some really beautiful things. Words that make sense to me. Words that seem like they were written for exactly how I feel at that moment.
There's a million. Check him out.
It really does feel like a piece of me is missing. Whether it's that I'm not sure if we are really supposed to be together or that I just miss my best friend. I don't know how I really feel...I just know that my heart is sad without him.

Saturday, July 26, 2014

I went on a date?

So I went on a date last night. Kind of. It was more like a double date +1. He asked me if it was considered a date and I said probably not if we're not sure and then he asked me out on a real date. So there's that. We met on a popular dating app. I'm sure you can guess which one. We've been talking for a like a week or something and met last night for beers. My friend Emily generously offered to have him meet up with me, her, and her man friend so that it wouldn't be all formal and possibly awkward. I told him to feel free to bring his roommate as a wingman, so he did. He was nice also. They're police officers. So...yum. That is all. KBYE!

Friday, July 18, 2014


Linkin up with Erin! I'm pretty computer illiterate and couldn't figure out how to make it look all now I'm all irritated. BYE!

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

My 9-5

Helene in Between

I've only had a 9-5 for about 2.5 months now...well it's actually 8:30-5:00 if we're getting technical (we aren't). Before I moved to North Carolina, I worked in a nursery at a daycare and didn't have set hours nor did I work 40 hours a week. I loved my job but I was craving something different. I wanted a "career job"...something professional...a salary. Well, I've mentioned before (I think?) that I took over my sister's job when she moved to Florida. I never thought in a million years that I'd be working in real estate. But I love my job.

So what exactly is it that I do? Well, I work for an amazing real estate team as the "new construction listing manager." I work exclusively with new construction homes, from the time they are just a foundation all the way to completion. I keep track and update pictures of the houses as they go from framing to sheetrock to trim & paint, etc. It's important to have up to date pictures in the MLS (multiple listing service) so that agents can see how much of a house is actually there so they can show it to clients.

I fell in love with this house...can you blame me?!

Probably the most important part of my job is actually putting listings into the MLS. When our agents get a listing, they bring me the folder they've put together and I put it into MLS and make it active...meaning the house is on the market. It's a lot of data entry. Very important to be accurate with this part. If I accidentally put somewhere that there is going to be hardwood floors in a master bedroom and it was going to be carpet...the builder is going to be buying hardwood floors and I'll be in big trouble. Not good.

You know when you drive by a house that's for sale...and there's a box somewhere with brochures in it? I make those. Once I get the special features (what kind of hardware/countertops/appliances/etc.) of a house from the builder or the agent, I can put together a brochure to best advertise the home.

Those are the biggest parts of my job, but of course there are many other smaller things I do on a daily basis. Some days are crazy busy and some days I'm scrounging for things to do. But all in all I really love it :)

Me with some of our agents

Friday, May 16, 2014

Some things I learned in college

Nadine's post about the things she learned in college got me feeling all sorts of I decided to share some things that I learned in my years at the University of Northern Iowa.

If you eat entire boxes of Kraft macaroni and cheese and whole bags of cheesy rice for will gain weight

It's perfectly ok to kiss lots of boys. As long as you don't sleep with all of them

On the same subject...flat out telling guys that you're not going to have sex with them is a great way to weed out the guys that just want some ass (read: 99% of them)

It's ok to spend your college years being carefree...once you graduate you have way more responsibilities and worries

College is probably where you're going to meet your lifelong friends, at least it's where I met mine

Go on at least one wild Spring break. South Padre, Cancun, Panama City Beach...everyone should experience it once

Call your parents. They want to know what you're up to
It's ok if you don't know what you want to do with your life. You probably still won't know when you're 25 (or maybe that's just me)
Skipping class every once in awhile is not a big long as you don't make it a habit
It's always better to go to house parties...not have them. Your house will be trashed and people will steal and/or break your things
As fun as going out to parties and bars's also fun and important to stay in and watch chick flicks with your room mates in your underwear
Also staying in alone binge watching seasons of Friends is good for the soul
If you work at a place that serves food, take home as many boxes of leftovers as you can and give them to your male neighbors. They will appreciate it!
If you do your hair and make-up and actually put effort into your outfit to go to're the weird one
Finding the building and classroom your class is in before the first day is actually very helpful
You'll meet so many new people...what you gut tells you about them is usually right


Wednesday, April 23, 2014


Humpday!! That means I get to get some things off my chest. Which is always nice. Yay for confessions!

Ryan button was my first real day at my new job, by myself. my sister's been training me for the past two weeks and now it's the real deal! i didn't really get to work much today because i had a meeting this morning and a class this afternoon. so we'll see how tomorrow goes!

....allergies blow. I'm over this pollen shit.

....I'm really liking the whole 'business casual' thing.

....I've still been slacking with my eating and working out. I'm planning on buying my gym membership after i get paid on Friday. i really need to start planning meals better. sister is moving to florida on Friday. i don't want her to go :(

....I've gotten attached to my sister's dog since I've been in NC and I'm also sad to see him go :(

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

confess sesh

 ....first of all, i am so overwhelmed with my new job i don't know how to feel about it. it's just to learn. it's only my second day but i just don't feel like i'm getting it as fast as i'd like. my confidence is dwindling...

....i hate wearing thongs. i do. does this mean i'm getting old? 

....traffic pisses me off. maybe tomorrow i'll have my sister count how many swear words i use on our commute to work.

....i still haven't unpacked everything from my move

....this isn't really a confession, but...i'm happy with my decision to move back to north carolina. as i drove away from everything i've known for 2 years sobbing, i looked up and said "please just let me be doing the right thing" and now i know i have. 

....i'm going to dinner at a mexican restaurant for my cousin's birthday tomorrow and i'm planning on having a few margaritas...and i'm not sure if the amount of excitement i feel about this is normal

....i haven't really worked out since last thursday. this makes me really unhappy but i just really honestly haven't had time. i hate when people say that but i get it now. i'm looking forward to when things calm down with my job and i can start a routine and such.