Sunday, January 12, 2014

Past relationships

So this post Samantha wrote has inspired me to write. I love it and you should probably go read it. I agree with everything she said.

My dating history is kind of embarrassing. I'm not going to change names mostly because I don't give a shit. And also, no one that reads this is going to know who I'm talking about anyways.

First there was Shea. My first everything. We date from the time I was 14 to 16. I feel like it was a pretty normal high school relationship. But like Samantha talked about, you shouldn't negatively change yourself for anyone. I definitely did with Shea. I can't even tell you how many fights I got in with my best friends because I would ditch them to hang out with Shea (and his loser friends.) My parents and all my friends told me that he was no good. Why don't we listen to the people that know us and want the best for us? I would have gone through so much less bullshit if I had. With Shea I smoked weed, snuck out, and put myself in some situations that could have turned badly. He broke my heart when we broke up but now I thank God for it!

Next was Nick. Ohhhh, Nick. I've never been treated so badly by a man boy my whole life. I stayed with him for a year and I have no idea why. He was just plain mean to me. Again, like with life revolved around him. I'd go to his house pretty much every day after school to just hang out with him or do stuff with his friends...never mine. I don't think he hung out with my friends once. I didn't even go to my prom because he told me he'd break up with me if I did. That is so embarrassing. I can't believe I stood for that. We fought all the time. He cheated on me with at least 3 different girls (one of them my best friend at the time). He threw all my CD's out the window of my car because he didn't like my music. He threw all my stuff I had at his house out onto the grass and called me a cunt because I stayed late one night babysitting. I finally broke up with him and I broke his heart. Apparently he "didn't know what he had until it was gone." Too bad so sad. For months and months after we broke up he was in a deep deep depression drinking very heavily. He would call me hammered drunk while he was driving and tell me he was going to kill himself because he couldn't live without me. There were times when I'd call his parents and have them check on him because when he was blacked out drunk he told me he had a gun. Even though he hurt me so much I couldn't just let him continue that life. I tried so hard to help him be ok. He finally moved on to other girls. He got married in May of 2012 (and made out with someone that wasn't his wife at his wedding reception) and that Christmas he asked me if he could come visit me in North Carolina. He obviously hadn't changed.

I was single for the first 3 years of college which was great for awhile. I had a lot of fun. I dated Chris on and off for a couple of months. It wasn't anything too serious, we lived 4 floors apart in our dorm. We hung out a lot but never really went on dates or anything. He switched colleges after my freshman year and I was very sad but it wasn't a monumental relationship.

Then Alex my senior year. I knew he was no good for me the whole time. I think I stayed with him for a year because I knew I was moving to NC when I graduated and just wanted to be with someone. He is a veteran and went through a lot of really awful things while he was on tour in Iraq. He would never admit it but I think he was going through PTSD. Bad. He drank a lot and wasn't always very nice when he was drunk. I hated going out all the time yet I went out with him and his friends (this was a pattern for me apparently) every Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. I pretty much went with because I thought he'd cheat on me if I wasn't around and to babysit him because he did a lot of dumb shit when he was drunk.

Rayce is so different from all these guys. He's never once been mean to me. He's responsible and doesn't like to go out and drink all the time. He takes me out and does nice things for me. He encourages me to go out with my girlfriends. He wants the same things in life as me. I am totally my full self around him. He get's me. He's the type of guy I should have been looking for the whole time. Maybe I just needed to date some guys that were bad for me to realize what I really needed.

This turned out to be a lot longer than I thought. Basically my past with guys has shown me what I will not stand for in a relationship. I won't stand for disrespect, immaturity, heavy drinking/any drugs, dishonesty, or cheating. I wasted a lot of time on bad apples...but don't most people? Or is it just me?

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