Sunday, February 24, 2013

What's on my heart

I'm fairly certain that no one besides my mom and sister really read this blog. But if anyone else reads this...please, please offer your opinion or advice.
So Rayce and I have been in a relationship for over a year now...we live together, shit's serious. I can't imagine my life without him in it. I love him so much sometimes it hurts. Our relationship is honestly almost perfect. I don't need to go into detail about why I love us and our relationship because I could be here all day. We only have one issue...and it's a HUGE one.
We live here:
And I absolutely hate it. I want to live here:

Rayce doesn't. You see the problem...
The biggest reason I want to move back to NC is because my mom and my sister live there...and I'm super close with both of them. But...Rayce's family lives here in Iowa and he's super close with them. Big problem.
My other reasons for wanting to move there are that there is seriously nothing to do in Iowa. All we ever do with friends is go to the same townie bars and drink. And I don't even really drink much so I'm always the mostly sober person dealing with all the obnoxious drunk people...not fun. In NC there is SO much to do! Raleigh has so many good restaurants, parks, museums, lakes, hiking trails...I'M SO BORED HERE! I'm seriously going nuts I swear.
Another reason, I love the beach. Like really love it. Raleigh (where we would most likely live) is 2 hours from the ocean and 2 hours from the mountains. PERFECTION!
Another There are no good jobs here, not joking. I've looked. Raleigh is obviously way bigger so there are many many more jobs. I've looked.
Another reason...the weather. I HATE WINTER! Always have, always will. Snow and thank you. NC has damn near perfect weather. Sure, it's f'ing hot in the summer which I don't love. But for 9 months out of the year, it's beautiful. Iowa...not so much. Feels like winter last foreverrrrr.
So there's that. My reasons.
Rayce has told me that he would {probably} be willing to move there for a year but that he knows he'll want to move back to Iowa. Even if he loves it there. He does not want to live away from his family, which I get. I don't either...but I am. And I can't handle it. So say we move there...a year later he wants to move back to Iowa...I don't. What would happen then? I'm not going to want to leave NC. 
This probably isn't even making sense.
Basically Rayce wants to stay in Iowa because his family and friends are here. I want to move to NC because my family is there (amoung other reasons). WHAT THE FUCK TO WE DO?! Basically one of us is going to be unhappy. Or we break up. Which breaks my heart just thinking about.
Do I stay in Iowa and hate everything except being with him? Or do I move to NC (without him?) and love everything except being without him?
Some people have told me to just go and if he loves me he'll come. Well that would be nice, but that's not fair because then if I love him, wouldn't I stay? I don't know...any help would be appreciated. 


  1. I feel you more than you could ever know. I live in Florida with my fiance, but I grew up in Minnesota, which is where my whole entire family resides, I miss my family more and more each day. I am in your boat, completley and here is my advice...

    If you love Rayce and you cannot imagine your life without him, than don't let location decide your relationship. In love and in life you will make decisions together and if one of you is truly unhappy in the future you will both figure out a way to make it work.

    If you can't imagine having to possibly stay in Iowa forever, even if it with Rayce than maybe it is not meant to be. I cry everytime I think that there is a huge possiblity I will never move back to Minnesota, but at the same time I can't follow my mom and sister around forever, I have to make my own life, and my own family. The man of my dreams and building my own life happen to be across the country, but I beleive something brought my fiance and I together, and I am sure it's the same for you and Rayce.

    Life will work it's self out, love always finds a way to make it work:)

    1. Thanks's nice to know someone gets it!

  2. I'm a lifelong Iowa resident, so I guess I have a pretty biased opinion. That being said, I think we all have a fondness for "home" -- where we grew up. Because as badly as you want to move back to North Carolina, I can say I wouldn't ever want to live anywhere else but Iowa. The winters, everything... it's just what I KNOW.

    I'd be curious to know WHERE you live at in Iowa, because you keep comparing Raleigh, NC to the entire state of Iowa as a whole. We may not have a city the size of Raleigh, but we do have Des Moines, Iowa City, Cedar Rapids, and more. They all have the amenities of larger cities, but still are small enough to not be overwhleming. There are jobs in these towns, and there are things to do-- but they won't drop themselves right in your lap. If I was to move to Raleigh today, would I know about all of the things YOU know about the location? Would I know everything there was to do there, or would I need to go out and look for it?

    Not sure where you live in Iowa, but it does have it's urban communities, and does have some amazing things to see and do. I think maybe you should both spend some time getting out and seeing what the town and surrounding area has to offer.

    If you want to spend the rest of your life with him, and he's "the one", then you both have to figure out a way to make your location work, whether that location is whatever town in Iowa or Raleigh, NC.

    I guess I'm not sure what the solution is, but you sound like you are probably willing to give up the relationship if he doesn't want to stay in NC. That being said, I wonder if you've already made your choice???

    I think like the previous commenter said, one can't spend their life following their family. Maybe Iowa isn't the right place for you, but maybe North Carolina isn't either.

  3. Why not go for somewhere new for both of you, which is halfway between the two? Sometimes it's good just to get a fresh start!

    Otherwise, what about always vacationing in Raleigh? Maybe the longer you hang out there in vacation time, the more Rayce might swing round to the idea of living in NC.

    It's tricky tricky. Hope you find a solution that suits you both!