Sunday, August 11, 2013

That time I cried over grilled cheese

The other night at the gym I was just having an off day...which happens semi regularly for me. I could only run 3/4 of a mile and nothing felt good or right when I was lifting. When this happens I get so frustrated and annoyed and sad that I'm not doing better. Rayce could tell that I was upset and tried to make me feel better and we talked about how I need to really be more strict about what I eat. Particularly I need more protein.
I of course didn't want to hear any of this and just wanted to sulk and hate on myself because I ate TWO grilled cheese sandwiches at work for lunch that day. Gross. At that moment when I was so upset at the gym and feeling like crap I just felt so so bad about myself. I'm not eating good enough. I'm not working out hard enough. Why am I not getting the results I want? All because of the grilled cheese(s). I did one bad thing and it ruined my whole night.
So on the way home from the gym...I cried. Sometimes it just gets to me. I've changed my lifestyle so much and I feel like I should have lost more weight/inches by now. I know I'm significantly stronger and healthier than I was 8 months ago but sometimes I don't feel like I am. I've only lost 4 pounds. I still get discouraged. I still pinch my fat rolls and want to barf. I still pull at my clothes to hide my fat. I still feel uncomfortable with myself.
But I'm working on it. I go to the gym and work my ass off 5 days a week. I eat healthy almost all the time. I need to make it all the time...but I do pretty damn good. I can't let one mistake break me. It's ok to acknowledge negative feelings and have a small mental long as you build yourself back up again and keep truckin' along makin' progress!

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